Today the video card on my pc died. I had previously fixed it by reflow soldering, but now it is gone.
When i told this to my father, his response was "Good."
He actually views it as an improvement, since he opposes gaming, hoping that i will spend more time outside.
I am going to give up at trying to be a gamer. Wont even have tried some of the games i longed for - Mass Effect 2/3, Far Cry 3, Gta 5, Battlefield 3, Skyrim.
For me, it was the only way to gain some pleasure in this life, in which there are a too many cruel and corrupt people (those who laugh about others and only want sex, for example). I know that many might disagree with me, but there is not a better feeling than that of exploring the vast plains of Tamriel or Vvardenfell and stumbling upon a cave in the middle of a forest, or even a long forgotten village which holds a dark secret. Exploring dwarven ruins to find an ancient set of armor or climbing a mountain to get to Blades Fortress. Or playing the bad guy for once and doing the bidding of the Dark Brotherhood, assasinating targets with unmatched precision. I wont ever forget the first time i did the initiation quest for the thieves guild, as i did it my way, by using my imagination and refusing to accept the boundaries the game placed on me. Games have grown immensely and it has been my pleasure to experience all of this. Only a person with imagination might have created the Dunmer province and the vast lands of Imperials. Only a person with imagination might have created the premise and unique way of storytelling that Fallout 3 had, letting you create your own story, not just merely explore the events, but to let you affect them. Build new ones even, by modding the game, and expanding on the original world, making it fulfilled, or creating total conversions with new challenges. The possibilities are almost endless and Elder Scrolls and games like Minecraft are prime examples of what humans can do if they work together for a greater goal, because noone pays them for creating these beautifully crafted stories- they do it for the sake of art. Yes, games are a great form of art, as valid as any other out there and they will always be such in my eyes. But they are also about doing things you will never be able to do in real life, like things you might have tried to do in Just Cause and Gta, where the world is your playground. There are countless hours of fun to be had, but that is not why i played them. There is a certain beauty in seeing the simulated city in Gta coming to life, pedestrians walking around and doing their everyday chores on the streets or in shops. Or even gazelles running around the plains in Far Cry and avoiding contact with humans as the sun calmly goes down and wind blows around the leaves and light gets dimmer by the minute, transforming the plains and rainforests into an alien world. Venturing these lands actually can bring a tear to the eye. Or a gasp for air, when you first see the immense scale of Citadel as Joker is about to dock Normandie, or the epic feeling that takes over you as humans struggle for survival as Reaper fleet spreads destruction and the rush of adrenaline, when you finally encounter the one behind all of this, Saren, the same person who laid waste to Eden Prime and controlled armies of Geth. From the icy mountains of Noveria to outer reaches of space, there was never a greater challenge for Shepard, but he never backed down and was always supported by his team. If this is not a story about prevailing against all odds, then i dont know what is. And yet it is so atmospheric, even listening to Tali Zorah nar Raya who inspects the engine of Normandie makes me feel a better person, as if there are still good stories to be told. But there is nothing wrong with fighing forces of Takistani military with your friends in Arma2, coordinating your strategies in a matter of seconds and adapting to the conditions of this dynamic, ever changing battlefield, and yet nothing on this world beats the feeling, when, after many hours you emerge victorious from the dust, ashes and rubble, left by the destroyed buildings and tanks. And these are just some examples of what games gave me...
But guess that this is the end of all this... All those years, gone...
In a blink of the eye...
Not much to do elsewhere either, as i have next to no friends, never go to parties, no girlfriend (not even trying to get one, that would be useless) and am generally repulsed by the idea of socializing with others.
Guess that i will just spend the summer reading, because maybe games were not the only way to experience these sensations.
Goodbye,
Stiivais.
But before i go, a quote.
"I have no life, because i am a gamer. But it is only so, because i chose to have many."
When i told this to my father, his response was "Good."
He actually views it as an improvement, since he opposes gaming, hoping that i will spend more time outside.
I am going to give up at trying to be a gamer. Wont even have tried some of the games i longed for - Mass Effect 2/3, Far Cry 3, Gta 5, Battlefield 3, Skyrim.
For me, it was the only way to gain some pleasure in this life, in which there are a too many cruel and corrupt people (those who laugh about others and only want sex, for example). I know that many might disagree with me, but there is not a better feeling than that of exploring the vast plains of Tamriel or Vvardenfell and stumbling upon a cave in the middle of a forest, or even a long forgotten village which holds a dark secret. Exploring dwarven ruins to find an ancient set of armor or climbing a mountain to get to Blades Fortress. Or playing the bad guy for once and doing the bidding of the Dark Brotherhood, assasinating targets with unmatched precision. I wont ever forget the first time i did the initiation quest for the thieves guild, as i did it my way, by using my imagination and refusing to accept the boundaries the game placed on me. Games have grown immensely and it has been my pleasure to experience all of this. Only a person with imagination might have created the Dunmer province and the vast lands of Imperials. Only a person with imagination might have created the premise and unique way of storytelling that Fallout 3 had, letting you create your own story, not just merely explore the events, but to let you affect them. Build new ones even, by modding the game, and expanding on the original world, making it fulfilled, or creating total conversions with new challenges. The possibilities are almost endless and Elder Scrolls and games like Minecraft are prime examples of what humans can do if they work together for a greater goal, because noone pays them for creating these beautifully crafted stories- they do it for the sake of art. Yes, games are a great form of art, as valid as any other out there and they will always be such in my eyes. But they are also about doing things you will never be able to do in real life, like things you might have tried to do in Just Cause and Gta, where the world is your playground. There are countless hours of fun to be had, but that is not why i played them. There is a certain beauty in seeing the simulated city in Gta coming to life, pedestrians walking around and doing their everyday chores on the streets or in shops. Or even gazelles running around the plains in Far Cry and avoiding contact with humans as the sun calmly goes down and wind blows around the leaves and light gets dimmer by the minute, transforming the plains and rainforests into an alien world. Venturing these lands actually can bring a tear to the eye. Or a gasp for air, when you first see the immense scale of Citadel as Joker is about to dock Normandie, or the epic feeling that takes over you as humans struggle for survival as Reaper fleet spreads destruction and the rush of adrenaline, when you finally encounter the one behind all of this, Saren, the same person who laid waste to Eden Prime and controlled armies of Geth. From the icy mountains of Noveria to outer reaches of space, there was never a greater challenge for Shepard, but he never backed down and was always supported by his team. If this is not a story about prevailing against all odds, then i dont know what is. And yet it is so atmospheric, even listening to Tali Zorah nar Raya who inspects the engine of Normandie makes me feel a better person, as if there are still good stories to be told. But there is nothing wrong with fighing forces of Takistani military with your friends in Arma2, coordinating your strategies in a matter of seconds and adapting to the conditions of this dynamic, ever changing battlefield, and yet nothing on this world beats the feeling, when, after many hours you emerge victorious from the dust, ashes and rubble, left by the destroyed buildings and tanks. And these are just some examples of what games gave me...
But guess that this is the end of all this... All those years, gone...
In a blink of the eye...
Not much to do elsewhere either, as i have next to no friends, never go to parties, no girlfriend (not even trying to get one, that would be useless) and am generally repulsed by the idea of socializing with others.
Guess that i will just spend the summer reading, because maybe games were not the only way to experience these sensations.
Goodbye,
Stiivais.
But before i go, a quote.
"I have no life, because i am a gamer. But it is only so, because i chose to have many."
