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Lefi wrote:
Well, a lot of things have happened to me in the past, things that rather horrifying to have happen to you if I would say so myself.
The first one I would say would have to be the fact that no one really ever liked me in grade school, I was constantly bullied for either being tall, liking to play with guys[non-sexually], and or my love for Pokemon. Eventually it got to the point where I just made up friends in my head and talked to them because I wasn't alone that way. I even had a few Pokemon that talked to me, sort of like N in black and white, at least helped me smile through the times that really sucked, even when a few friends turned their backs on me like the rest of them did.
The second would have to be going insane and almost killing myself one night. This was I think around 7th grade...
I thought I had a lot of good friends finally, but, I must have been wrong... All of them at once just told me that they didn't want to be around me anymore, they thought I was weird, and insane. But, they didn't understand that when I was around them, I was more sane. I went home that night, crying a lot, but nothing cheered me up. I somewhat wanted to just crawl into a corner and die, like the rest of my life had at that point. The night just got worse and worse and my grades weren't that great either...Failing every class I suppose from the fact that your life isn't working...Was probably the cherry on top of everything that had just went on. I tried to kill myself that night, I thought I did until I woke up and was told I'm going to a mental hospital. Rock bottom, yeah...
The third would have to be one of my ex-boyfriends, who also everyone hates. Why you might ask? Because he publicly assaulted a pregnant woman, while being on drugs and you guessed it, drunk. -__- I should have listened to my mom about him. So, as you might have guessed, the past two had made me pretty downright fucked in the head. So, I met this guy at school, even though I was dating a really nice guy, who probably would have been better to date in my humble opinion as of now. Dumped the guy who was nice, went with the other guy, who seemed better[wrong]. So, then one day, we were in the park and he asked if I wanted to have sex. I said no. The next day, he did the same thing, I said no. The third day, he asked me, glaring at me, which scared me while I was on the swings as usual. I said no, and then he frowned and said: Then I guess I'll just force you to, you dumb bitch. He pushed me off the swings and started to drag me away, and well...my other friend saw me, and noticed what was going on. The person who saved me was my other friend, and if I didn't have him, well...I'd have a rather bad thing happen to me that day. Still to this day though, I'm haunted by him, and I'm rather scared...
Fourth, would be something, I try not to remember, and well...I try to honor her as much as I can...Doing things she would want me to do for her...Since she's sitting in a cupboard somewhere in a funeral home. Tarra, was her name...and it still is her name...Tarra, was my friend in 8th grade, she was there when I smiled, there when I cried, and...I loved Tarra, but was scared she'd hate me for loving her. Tarra, wasn't okay though, her family fought a lot, she was abused, bullied as I was back then. We were comfort for one another, we cried together, laughed together, and would have died together. Tarra wasn't stable though, she was as stable as the leaning tower of Pisa... Eventually, those last things that held her up broke, and...one night while we were walking, she smiled and told me good bye, before jumping in front of a car. That night, I was going to tell her I loved her, more than anything in the world, I would be there for her...no matter what...She bled out in front of me, and died that night. And Tarra, is ashes now, sitting on a shelf, never going to be claimed... I can't claim her... I can't bury her, or lay her ashes in the courtyard we both sat in all the time. Tarra still is in my heart though, forever and always... Tarra was smart, kinda, beautiful, funny, and most importantly, my best friend.
That's really all of the things up to this date that have really hurt/sucked in my life...and well...I needed to vent some of them out...really badly...
