Poetry Corner

    This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse this site, you are agreeing to our Cookie Policy.

    The forums have been archived. Please read this thread for more information.

    • Poetry Corner

      Ya that's right, we get our own little corner. Here you will be guaranteed feedback from either myself or others. With the help of everyone you can see where your weaknesses in writing are, and what your strengths are. If you feel like you are missing something or crave motivation, come here for some help.
      Boobs Bacon

    • #1
      Display Spoiler
      Loneliness i was used too
      but then i found you.

      You awakened his presence
      he could sense your precious essence.

      Obsessive, insane and infatuated
      his existense suddenly eloped and evolved.

      Returning with a refreshed mind and soul
      his newly gain mind make me lose my self-control.

      I broke my only promise i made
      A moonlight masquerade where you got betrayed.

      You are now the only one i possibly can hold dear
      Only devastatedness are my single fear.

      I just wish you feel and think the same
      because this is no game
      where you can do what you wanted
      if you do, my dreams will forever be haunted.

      I will never leave you
      because i know you are tried and true
      I wont let you down
      now, smile and get rid of that frown.

    • Br00tal wrote:

      #1
      Display Spoiler
      Loneliness i was used too
      but then i found you.

      You awakened his presence
      he could sense your precious essence.

      Obsessive, insane and infatuated
      his existense suddenly eloped and evolved.

      Returning with a refreshed mind and soul
      his newly gain mind make me lose my self-control.

      I broke my only promise i made
      A moonlight masquerade where you got betrayed.

      You are now the only one i possibly can hold dear
      Only devastatedness are my single fear.

      I just wish you feel and think the same
      because this is no game
      where you can do what you wanted
      if you do, my dreams will forever be haunted.

      I will never leave you
      because i know you are tried and true
      I wont let you down
      now, smile and get rid of that frown.


      I crave to know what your inspiration for this was, but I will keep that tamed for the moment.

      I have two suggestions, take them or leave them.

      "His newly gain mind make me lose self control"
      makes*

      "Only devistatedness are my single fear."
      Devistation being my single fear.

      I'm throwing things out, you don't have to listen. But I'm honestly surprised by this. It's beautiful, and full of emotion. I hope to see more from you. :3
      Boobs Bacon

    • From the dizzy heights of mountains far too high!
      to the crushing depths, of oceans, far too deep...
      Heart racing ahead of me into the sun!
      heart sinking, thinking, pull the trigger, of a gun...
      Insanity splitting my head like a log!
      misery, dragging me down, further, further...
      Blinding light filling me to bursting!
      unbearable darkness, i cant see, i don't want to...
      numb,numb,numb,numb -
      Glass breaking in my mind!
      clouds, gathering,smothering...

      Now medicine, no more lightning, no more smoke
      but a huge, gaping hole, where my life used to be.

      Fin! betcha can't guess what it's about

    • Damn, im suck at this kind of shit... oh well.

      Rose are red...
      Violet is red...
      My daisies is somehow red...
      Shit, my garden's on fire....
      *Im joking XD*

      You can't change the truth...
      Nor you can change the future....
      As you walk trough the woods....
      The faceless one is looking for you...
      No eyes...
      No mouth....
      No mercy...

      If you're angry, don't break anybody's heart, they only have one..... Break their bones, they have 206 of them

    • Widge wrote:

      From the dizzy heights of mountains far too high!
      to the crushing depths, of oceans, far too deep...
      Heart racing ahead of me into the sun!
      heart sinking, thinking, pull the trigger, of a gun...
      Insanity splitting my head like a log!
      misery, dragging me down, further, further...
      Blinding light filling me to bursting!
      unbearable darkness, i cant see, i don't want to...
      numb,numb,numb,numb -
      Glass breaking in my mind!
      clouds, gathering,smothering...

      Now medicine, no more lightning, no more smoke
      but a huge, gaping hole, where my life used to be.

      Fin! betcha can't guess what it's about


      Your technique is so different, it reminds me of how Poe writes. It might now be the same level of insanity, but the writing style seems the same. This is about depression...a good representation of it as well. And how medicine...it might fix the problem, but your life isn't your own anymore... That's just what I think, I may be wrong. I have nothing to add or change. This is beautiful.
      Boobs Bacon

    • Cirno wrote:

      "No matter what they say,
      Eye will become perfect today.
      Everyone will call me the smartest,
      and Eye will laugh at them for being the dumbest"

      ~ Cirno.

      dragonlord7132 wrote:



      You can't change the truth...
      Nor you can change the future....
      As you walk trough the woods....
      The faceless one is looking for you...
      No eyes...
      No mouth....
      No mercy...


      These are short, I will do them together :3

      Is there a particular reason for using eye instead of "I"? Also, have the feeling you want to rise up above the ranks of others. Very nice either way...don't become a dictator please ^^ (kidding)

      Slenderman right?
      It could be a lot of things actually, but that seems to stand out with the hype about slender recently.
      I have used the "..." version of freestyle poetry before, it's very effective, yet some people get lost because of it.
      oh and "Nor you can change the future"
      should that be: Nor can you change the future
      ???? Just curious of type, otherwise beautiful
      Boobs Bacon

    • Never again, will i be dishonored
      and Never again, will i be decieved
      from the deepest part of my mind
      i swear, i'll laid my vengeance
      as you ran away from the resonance
      i'll reap your life
      pieces, by pieces...
      as painful as possible...

      and, that's pretty much what happened when you insult my favourite band :>

      If you're angry, don't break anybody's heart, they only have one..... Break their bones, they have 206 of them

    • Your technique is so different, it reminds me of how Poe writes. It might now be the same level of insanity, but the writing style seems the same. This is about depression...a good representation of it as well. And how medicine...it might fix the problem, but your life isn't your own anymore... That's just what I think, I may be wrong. I have nothing to add or change. This is beautiful.


      Lol never even read Poe :D. Thanks, and your only half right, it's about bipolar. I usually write songs, but i wanted to join in, it was interesting to do poetry again, my poems have changed a lot!

    • Resting slowly under the bridge.
      Silently breathing.
      Alone, in the dark waiting.
      Waiting for you to come to greet me.
      In this world i am alone
      jealous of your pleasures in life
      when stuck here in this pitch dark cave.

      The green putrid jealousy that just want me to sleep
      to escape the thoughts that strike my mind
      the pleasure everyone find
      of being lively and happy
      makes me jealous

      where have you gone
      why have you left me
      will you ever hear my sing again
      will i ever see your face
      or are you gone forever?

      The love i gave you
      wasn't it enough?
      I dont even know what i did wrong.
      if you just could make me understand...

    • i don't write my own poetry but i have a favorite poem, i goes like this:

      Natures first green is gold,
      her hardest hue to hold.
      Her early leafs a flower,
      but only so an hour.
      Then leaf subsides to leaf,
      to eden sank to greif.
      So dawn goes down to day,
      nothing gold can stay.

      - Robert Frost
      Invinsibility is in defence; The possibility of victory in the attack.

      -Sun Tzu

    • dragonlord7132 wrote:

      Never again, will i be dishonored
      and Never again, will i be decieved
      from the deepest part of my mind
      i swear, i'll laid my vengeance
      as you ran away from the resonance
      i'll reap your life
      pieces, by pieces...
      as painful as possible...

      and, that's pretty much what happened when you insult my favourite band :>

      Well first off...never going to insult any band you like O_O
      seems like you wanted to make this rhyme somewhat, but the words couldn't fit just right. That's good, never sacrifice the quality of your thoughts for something that will rhyme.
      and would painful be better as painfully? who knows.. this is yours and I can only make suggestions :3

      Sharky wrote:



      Wow, you all are so good at these. I am so jello right now ..

      I cant write deep stuff.. >_>

      peachvomit wrote:


      Aw man... I have plenty of poetry but it's all about suicide and misery, etc.


      Sharky, I bet you can ^^ you just have to start with something. I mean when I get stuck the first thing I write is, "fuck this is too hard" and I go on and on and eventually get something xD
      and Peachy post whatever you want. Depression often fuels poetry, I mean come on you read anything of mine, freakin sob story right here.
      Boobs Bacon

    • Well, shit. I DO suck at this kind of thing.. oh well, let the creativity enroll!

      Down in the depths of the dead, Feel the agony
      Scars from a thousand wounds, In your memory
      Over and over Grind, through the butchery
      Once more you'll run this Gauntlet, of misery

      Yep, still suck.. (Btw dark souls inspired that one :3)

      If you're angry, don't break anybody's heart, they only have one..... Break their bones, they have 206 of them

    • Br00tal wrote:

      Resting slowly under the bridge.
      Silently breathing.
      Alone, in the dark waiting.
      Waiting for you to come to greet me.
      In this world i am alone
      jealous of your pleasures in life
      when stuck here in this pitch dark cave.

      The green putrid jealousy that just want me to sleep
      to escape the thoughts that strike my mind
      the pleasure everyone find
      of being lively and happy
      makes me jealous

      where have you gone
      why have you left me
      will you ever hear my sing again
      will i ever see your face
      or are you gone forever?

      The love i gave you
      wasn't it enough?
      I dont even know what i did wrong.
      if you just could make me understand...

      I find it hard to place into words what I have read. It's sad and beautiful. Confusion given meaning. I don't know why you offer these for me to critique, there's nothing wrong with your work. You put your heart and soul into your words. That's all poetry is :3

      dragonlord7132 wrote:

      Well, shit. I DO suck at this kind of thing.. oh well, let the creativity enroll!

      Down in the depths of the dead, Feel the agony
      Scars from a thousand wounds, In your memory
      Over and over Grind, through the butchery
      Once more you'll run this Gauntlet, of misery

      Yep, still suck.. (Btw dark souls inspired that one :3)

      Amazing how a game can produce this. But! inspiration comes from everywhere. memory, agony, misery....they go very much hand in hand. Keep up the good work. Try different rhyme schemes, and continue to let yourself be carried by the flow of the words.
      Boobs Bacon

    • Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water...
      Jack fell down the well and drowned and Jill ran home soon after....
      Jacks body started to rot after a couple of days and contaminated the water...
      Which caused everyone in town to die..
      And everyone thought it was a slaughter...
      I wanna cut you open, and see your colors run
      I wanna play, I wanna have a friend to have some fun
      Don't be afraid,don't cry, just give in
      This is the last time I'll see you again
      So come, relax, and sit still
      You belong to me and you will
      Keep quiet and look me in the eye,
      Cause I wanna cut you, wanna cut, while you f**king die....