Hello, I've been working on a story lately, and I've decided who else would I show it to than my fellow bros? This is just a portion of my story, and it still needs some editing. That's where you come in. You're critisism will help make this story better. I hope you can take the time to read the whole thing. A rating would also be appreciated if you like the story. Enjoy!
I was driving down a long narrow road. For how long, I didn't know. All I knew was that I was supposed to meet someone. That someone I didn't know either. The moon was shining brightly on the road ahead. I heard an owl hooting in the distance. I was sweating heavily, because the air conditioner went out several hours earlier, or at least it seemed so. My head ached painfully. It felt as if someone has been beating down on it with brass knuckles. I reached for my coffee, but realized that I had drunk the last of it just a couple minutes earlier. I rolled down the window to get some fresh air, but all that came in was hot humid fog. The fog got so dense that I couldn't see. One of the front tires hit a deep pothole in the ground, and the car veered to the left. What seemed to be a little girl appeared in front of the car, but with the extreme density of the fog, I couldn't be sure. Trying to avoid the girl, I steered to the right. Unfortunately, I steered a little to quickly. There was nothing I could do. It happened so fast, so quickly that my only thought was that of my wife, Martha, and my son, Jimmy. I believed that I would never see them again. There would be nobody to protect them, nobody to raise Shawn up as a father would. I couldn't let that happen. It isn't my time to go. I still have a reason to be here, a reason to live. The car swerved, and started rolling. It rolled right into a tree where it stopped, and started smoking. The car alarm went off. Blinking lights and beeping noises filled the vacant void which was the forest and road. I groaned and unhooked my seat belt. If I hadn't of worn it, I surely would have been badly wounded, if not dead. I crawled out of the space where the car door used to be. I hit the ground and grunted in pain. I got to my feet and clumsily tripped and stumbled to the back of the car. I remembered keeping a pack of supplies for emergencies like these there. The smell of smoke polluted the air. I pried open the back doors, and there was the pack. Behind it, flames blazed, threatening to burn everything that was in it's path. I snatched up the pack, and quickly limped away. Not fifteen seconds after, the car blew up. Flames rained down on nearby trees and a mushroom cloud appeared over the explosion. In a panic, I tried to look around for the girl, but there was no sign of her. I wondered if she was lost, but why would someone live anywhere near here? But there was no more time to think about that. I didn't have to think twice. I ran. I ran as fast as I could as far as I could, ignoring any pain that I had from the crash. I knew I couldn't run forever. I wish I could, but I knew I couldn't. I stopped near a large tree that stretched out more than all the others around it. That is where I sat down, and cried myself to sleep.
When I awoke, it was dawn. The fog still remained, making it hard to see. I squinted, and saw what looked like the little girl, carving something into a tree with a knife. I rubbed my eyes, wondering if what I saw was true, but when I looked again, she wasn't there. I got up from my spot next to the larger tree, and walked over to the tree where I saw the little girl. There was a word carved into the tree. Leave it said. Next to the word there was a hand print of crimson blood. At the sight of this, my legs started to shake and my hands trembled. I had to get of here. But where would I go? I went back to my spot next to the larger tree where the pack of emergency supplies was. I sat down and started sifting through the pack. There was a flashlight, a pack of spare batteries, a loaded flare gun, a compass, a couple cans of baked beans, a filled water bottle, some matches, and a sharp crude looking hunting knife. I was no survival expert, but I knew that all of these would come in handy. I put down the pack with all of my supplies and in front of me sat a pumpkin the size of my head. There was a happy face carved into it, and blood streamed out from the eye holes. My only question was why? Why was this here in front of me? As if on cue a note came out from it's mouth. Blood dripped from the edge of the note. I cautiously picked up the note, afraid that any other strange things would happen. The note read,” Go north and you will live.” I looked up from the note and saw that the pumpkin's face had changed. Its face was that of evil. The edges of its mouth perked up sinisterly. Its eyes mocking, making your self-confidence squirm if you stare at them too long. Blood now streaming from its mouth instead of its eyes. Another note came from it's mouth, but this time something black was dripping from it. I took the note out from its mouth and read,” Anywhere else and you will die.”
That's it! I hope you enjoyed. If you feel something needs to be edited tell me!
I was driving down a long narrow road. For how long, I didn't know. All I knew was that I was supposed to meet someone. That someone I didn't know either. The moon was shining brightly on the road ahead. I heard an owl hooting in the distance. I was sweating heavily, because the air conditioner went out several hours earlier, or at least it seemed so. My head ached painfully. It felt as if someone has been beating down on it with brass knuckles. I reached for my coffee, but realized that I had drunk the last of it just a couple minutes earlier. I rolled down the window to get some fresh air, but all that came in was hot humid fog. The fog got so dense that I couldn't see. One of the front tires hit a deep pothole in the ground, and the car veered to the left. What seemed to be a little girl appeared in front of the car, but with the extreme density of the fog, I couldn't be sure. Trying to avoid the girl, I steered to the right. Unfortunately, I steered a little to quickly. There was nothing I could do. It happened so fast, so quickly that my only thought was that of my wife, Martha, and my son, Jimmy. I believed that I would never see them again. There would be nobody to protect them, nobody to raise Shawn up as a father would. I couldn't let that happen. It isn't my time to go. I still have a reason to be here, a reason to live. The car swerved, and started rolling. It rolled right into a tree where it stopped, and started smoking. The car alarm went off. Blinking lights and beeping noises filled the vacant void which was the forest and road. I groaned and unhooked my seat belt. If I hadn't of worn it, I surely would have been badly wounded, if not dead. I crawled out of the space where the car door used to be. I hit the ground and grunted in pain. I got to my feet and clumsily tripped and stumbled to the back of the car. I remembered keeping a pack of supplies for emergencies like these there. The smell of smoke polluted the air. I pried open the back doors, and there was the pack. Behind it, flames blazed, threatening to burn everything that was in it's path. I snatched up the pack, and quickly limped away. Not fifteen seconds after, the car blew up. Flames rained down on nearby trees and a mushroom cloud appeared over the explosion. In a panic, I tried to look around for the girl, but there was no sign of her. I wondered if she was lost, but why would someone live anywhere near here? But there was no more time to think about that. I didn't have to think twice. I ran. I ran as fast as I could as far as I could, ignoring any pain that I had from the crash. I knew I couldn't run forever. I wish I could, but I knew I couldn't. I stopped near a large tree that stretched out more than all the others around it. That is where I sat down, and cried myself to sleep.
When I awoke, it was dawn. The fog still remained, making it hard to see. I squinted, and saw what looked like the little girl, carving something into a tree with a knife. I rubbed my eyes, wondering if what I saw was true, but when I looked again, she wasn't there. I got up from my spot next to the larger tree, and walked over to the tree where I saw the little girl. There was a word carved into the tree. Leave it said. Next to the word there was a hand print of crimson blood. At the sight of this, my legs started to shake and my hands trembled. I had to get of here. But where would I go? I went back to my spot next to the larger tree where the pack of emergency supplies was. I sat down and started sifting through the pack. There was a flashlight, a pack of spare batteries, a loaded flare gun, a compass, a couple cans of baked beans, a filled water bottle, some matches, and a sharp crude looking hunting knife. I was no survival expert, but I knew that all of these would come in handy. I put down the pack with all of my supplies and in front of me sat a pumpkin the size of my head. There was a happy face carved into it, and blood streamed out from the eye holes. My only question was why? Why was this here in front of me? As if on cue a note came out from it's mouth. Blood dripped from the edge of the note. I cautiously picked up the note, afraid that any other strange things would happen. The note read,” Go north and you will live.” I looked up from the note and saw that the pumpkin's face had changed. Its face was that of evil. The edges of its mouth perked up sinisterly. Its eyes mocking, making your self-confidence squirm if you stare at them too long. Blood now streaming from its mouth instead of its eyes. Another note came from it's mouth, but this time something black was dripping from it. I took the note out from its mouth and read,” Anywhere else and you will die.”
That's it! I hope you enjoyed. If you feel something needs to be edited tell me!
