Throughout my life, I've come to understand this idea that I was born in the wrong time. It's not as if I were some form of mythical being, but rather that their ancestries have piled into my body and resulted in this.....urge. Even as I write this, it makes mostly no sense to me, but I feel I must write this. I have a desire to someday engage in physical combat, and I do not speak of the tenderly cultivated system of sport. My body longs for the challenge of life and limb, to test my strength of body and will against others. It is not a desire to do bodily harm to others, but instead to feel that challenge of a man versus his opponent.
I wish it would go away sometimes, but sometimes I can feel it's pressure to overthrow. The adrenaline that surges to instigate, the clench of a jaw wanting to bite or throw a punch. It scares me sometimes, feeling that pure grin of..... what even is it? Rage? Carnality? Madness? as it spreads across my face? I look at a knife and don't think "This is a tool to help me". I look and think "My what a weapon. A pity it can't be shared".
I wish it would go away sometimes, but sometimes I can feel it's pressure to overthrow. The adrenaline that surges to instigate, the clench of a jaw wanting to bite or throw a punch. It scares me sometimes, feeling that pure grin of..... what even is it? Rage? Carnality? Madness? as it spreads across my face? I look at a knife and don't think "This is a tool to help me". I look and think "My what a weapon. A pity it can't be shared".
Durpa durr?
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