Before reading : I wrote this when I'm completely sane and rethink of the experience with the anxiety. Also, pardon of bad writing and typos.
I just want to share my thought.
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Thinking back to the ending of walking dead the game. You see dying Lee and crying Clementine. (Most of) people who see this scene had cried their eye out as they have a feeling of losing someone like Clem. The loss of someone who beloved.
But what if... You are Lee, lying on the floor, dying?
This is where the problem begin... By the last time I had got over this fear... In fact, I never was. Sometime I'm okay with it, sometime I don't.
Sometime when I'm being alone with myself. I had been thought of what will happen to me in the future. Who will I be, do I will rich?, what to do when I'm old... And when and how I'll died. Then it stab me in the heart.
I never got over the fact human will die one day. everything have the beginning and the end...same goes to life. I had been thinking what will happened if died. Will I be falling into endless void? Will I be some kind of enitiy (A.K.A ghost)? Or will I be sent to the judgement who decide if I go to eternal damnation (Hell) or a paradise (heaven)? Or when I close eye for the last time in my physical body, I will open my eye again as something else(reincarnation)?
I don't mind much of karma, but I believe in Action and consequence. As the consequence won't be happen today, but maybe next week or next year.this problem continue to bug me like an anvil on my back.
I had seen a lot of stuffs on Internet talking about immortality that could be true in a lifetime.Sometime when I'm under Anxiety I have think of immortality, suddenly the question pop up in my head "but what is the price of it?". The worst case I had thought of is eternal suffering where you continue to suffer the pain at the point where you supposed to be dead...forever.
Some time I had been feeling down to the point of hopeless and want to end it. But when I think of suicide I question myself "what's the point of strive in a game of life when you are a quitter" then I was like "fuck no, I'm not losing it that" And I'm back.
After enduring several hours (maybe days or longer) of Anxiety. I just come up with one term. Why should I worry about it? Why should I worry about the thing that won't happen that soon? Not to mention that every new day, there's always new thing happened, new thing to try out, new thing to enjoy with it. I should not lose hope that easy. I should be focus more on what i am right now and throw my mental problem right out of the window!
I writing this to share my experience with other on forum... And also keeping it as a note to read when I'm feeling down again.
Until next time...
I just want to share my thought.
------
Thinking back to the ending of walking dead the game. You see dying Lee and crying Clementine. (Most of) people who see this scene had cried their eye out as they have a feeling of losing someone like Clem. The loss of someone who beloved.
But what if... You are Lee, lying on the floor, dying?
This is where the problem begin... By the last time I had got over this fear... In fact, I never was. Sometime I'm okay with it, sometime I don't.
Sometime when I'm being alone with myself. I had been thought of what will happen to me in the future. Who will I be, do I will rich?, what to do when I'm old... And when and how I'll died. Then it stab me in the heart.
I never got over the fact human will die one day. everything have the beginning and the end...same goes to life. I had been thinking what will happened if died. Will I be falling into endless void? Will I be some kind of enitiy (A.K.A ghost)? Or will I be sent to the judgement who decide if I go to eternal damnation (Hell) or a paradise (heaven)? Or when I close eye for the last time in my physical body, I will open my eye again as something else(reincarnation)?
I don't mind much of karma, but I believe in Action and consequence. As the consequence won't be happen today, but maybe next week or next year.this problem continue to bug me like an anvil on my back.
I had seen a lot of stuffs on Internet talking about immortality that could be true in a lifetime.Sometime when I'm under Anxiety I have think of immortality, suddenly the question pop up in my head "but what is the price of it?". The worst case I had thought of is eternal suffering where you continue to suffer the pain at the point where you supposed to be dead...forever.
Some time I had been feeling down to the point of hopeless and want to end it. But when I think of suicide I question myself "what's the point of strive in a game of life when you are a quitter" then I was like "fuck no, I'm not losing it that" And I'm back.
After enduring several hours (maybe days or longer) of Anxiety. I just come up with one term. Why should I worry about it? Why should I worry about the thing that won't happen that soon? Not to mention that every new day, there's always new thing happened, new thing to try out, new thing to enjoy with it. I should not lose hope that easy. I should be focus more on what i am right now and throw my mental problem right out of the window!
I writing this to share my experience with other on forum... And also keeping it as a note to read when I'm feeling down again.
Until next time...